May 18th I finally cried. I couldn’t handle living in my place. I was upset about my weight gain. I felt frustrated because I felt that my fiancé was beginning to move on with her life and I was stuck. I couldn’t handle all the different emotions I was feeling and all of a sudden I started crying.
I called my sponsor because I felt that living in recovery wasn’t worth it. At that point I felt that my entire life was falling apart. My sponsor walked me through my feelings and calmed me down. She reminded me of the importance of meditation and praying to my higher power. She also stated that she felt I needed to move because my place was beginning to be detrimental to my recovery. My counselor agreed.
I’m glad that I didn’t act out on any of my urges. How would self-destructing help the situation? All it would have done is push my recovery back and hurt me. This is something that I need to constantly remind myself of.
At this point in my life I’m the healthiest I’ve been in many years. Why would I want to mess with that? I don’t want to be miserable which means I have to continue to take care of myself.