I believe that everyone gets their happy ending, whether or not they meet someone. Our happy endings could be any number of things. Mine I hope will be with my fiancé. She makes me a better person.
Together we decided we’d start planning our wedding in January. January 2 Brittany decided we should try going clean and by January 8 I was admitted myself to a psych hospital. (Doesn’t seem like an ideal time to plan a wedding, don’t you think?) With that being the case we decided to put off the wedding.
I have my issues, abandonment being one of them, and her not living at home has exasperated those feelings. She can tell me all she wants that she loves me but I can never seem to get that through my head.
Before going into the hospital I was doing a high stress job and no one in the department was helping me. I had so much work and later I found out I was one of the top people in the agency. No one told me that and all I kept hearing was that I needed to do more. They say stress caused my psychosis.
When I was released I told the agency I would no longer do that job. They were surprised but I told them I just couldn’t keep up. They then employeed someone else while I stepped into a new position within the same agency. Since this new employee has gotten into the position they have held him through. I’m learning to not let that consume me. He is getting married in June.
I saw Brittany today and she said “I’m so glad that they’re holding his hand so he can get married. My wedding had to get cancelled because the amount of stess they put on you. You got shit on by the agency!”
I feel the same way…but regardless it made me feel good to see that she’s hurt by the fact that our wedding had to be cancelled. It made my mind realize that I even through the shit storm we’ve been through, she still wants me to be her wife.
We have a lot of healing to do, but every day I feel stronger and a better communicator. I’m becoming a better person who she’s gonna be happy she waited to marry.