Anxiety at all time high

Today: fiancé caused me to be 45 min late to work.
Work: program not up and running. Awaiting benefits exam results. A coworker/program partner is a charged thief and forger and in the middle of a court case for stealing medications. Causing paranoia in me that she'll steal something from me. Has only been employed a week and hasn't worked a full week yet.
Medical: frequent nosebleeds. Headaches. Elbow and wrist pain from them being broken a few years back. Bursa in my foot.
Weight: heaviest I've ever been in my life. People think I look great.
Addiction: feeling like I don't qualify. Garbage can addict.

That's enough to cause anyone anxiety. For me I have a generalized anxiety disorder so all of that is causing me to go overboard. Not only because I have those things going on but just the day to day anxiety. I talked to my doctor about it and he put me back on Ativan. So now I have to worry about my fiancé not getting into that.

There's so much going on I'm trying to keep it together. I feel like I'm slipping into a depression. I just want to be ok. I hate that there's always a battle in my head. All I want is to be healthy and happy.


Taking Care of Me 

Although I haven’t really been able to feel a whole lot recently I did, unfortunately, weigh myself and took my measurements. Anyone in recovery from and eating disorder, do NOT do this to yourself. You will instantly be furious with yourself and want to start up with your behaviors all over again. 

I discussed this with my counselor today. I told her that I want to have a baby within the next few years. The issue is I can’t engage in behaviors that could damage myself if I want to have a healthy mindset and body. We discussed things I could do moving forward. 

Her suggestion was that I come up with a food plan that will keep my body healthy but also to maintain my weight within the healthy range. She also suggested that I speak with my psychiatrist about me wanting to have a child within the next few years. It gave me hope and something to strive for. I just need to remember that I need to take care of myself now so that I can be the best mom I can be later.